“There’s a simple way out…”

There’s a simple way out if you’ve reached a point in a relationship where you’re stuck in something that doesn’t quite feel right. Don’t worry about ruining the party; be clear about what you want. Your certainty will do one of two things: chase away someone who can’t handle what you’re asking for, whether it’s exclusivity or just a kiss after a dozen dates, or excite the person who is ready for the same thing.

There will always be someone who tries to sell you on their logic of why they can’t give you what you want or show up in the ways you need. You don’t need to assess whether the excuses they are giving you are legitimate, you just need to be honest with yourself about whether the reality of what’s being offered is enough for you to be happy. That avoids all the effort of trying to decode what someone is saying. Tell yourself: They have their reasons (real or not), but I have my reality, and it is my reality, not their reasons, that determines whether I choose to keep going.